The past should stay in the past...right?

Have you ever tried to forget something so bad it hurt? But when you think about it, you want to fix it or touch it to see if it still stings. Often people leave things unfinished or without closure, but justify it various ways. My own justifications are fairly lame, but I feel are strong enough to hold me bad from closure or fixing string pasts. I find this is a common issue among people. Either it's an issue of trust, either with one's self or other people. I could be an issue or fear or reaction or result. It could also be a masochistic reasoning, "It's my fault, I should suffer." It could be a lot of reasoning. My own on the reason this is being typed is the second. Fear. A strong emotion, enough to hold back a deep desire to put closure on a sad part of my past. As with most people in this situation should it go on long enough, I don't think about it often, but when I do, it's thought upon hard. A good hard look at if I can get past my own fear, the scenarios that could happen and I suppose a lack of trust in the other person. But perhaps instead of trust, a lack in knowing the person. But once again, fear, wins again. How often does this happen to you, the few that read this, tell me. Engage.

Of the sick

I have met a lot of ill people. I have been ill almost my whole life. I think that is why I see life, people, animals, things, differently then my friends. I don't want anything to go away, I am attached to everything I end up caring for. But why is that? I think it is the fact that we are afraid to be alone. We are afraid of not caring enough and things will disappear, run away, or just turn their backs. It seems that people who are sick end up being the most helpful and most caring, if they are not full of themselves. I am afraid of losing me friends. I went through a time when I didn't have any when I needed them most, but I toughed it out and now I am very helpful, caring, and over extend my self on a regular basis to help my friends, talk to them when they seem lonely, give advice, give examples of my life to make their situation seem less painful. I have good friends now. I am not so afraid of losing them now because we are close and distant. But it is sad that most people who are sick only have their families. To most the seems to be enough, but having a friend, someone who is not obligated to be with you, helps the healing process.

Pain can change anyone

It can depend on what type of pain you take. Physical pain, mental pain, imaginary pain, exaggerated, it doesn't matter it can all change you. I have gone through severe mental pain, I am currently going through severe physical pain, and I don't know if it's real. It feels real, but the brain can do funny things.
Somehow I think it's all connected. Physical pain can cause mental anguish, then it can bring paranoia of more pain and the stress from that brings exaggerated pain and eventually, you expect it and it comes, sometimes from stress and it's real, but other times, it's the brain being funny and making imaginary pain.
I have a roommate that has a severe chest problem. It hurts him sometimes but not enough to do anything about it. He stresses about it and cause undo pain. Most of it seems to be imaginary because he wants attention. It flairs up most when I am in pain. It seems like he wants to out do me. I think this is a mental problem brought on by years of chest pains and getting that attention and now that someone else is in pain worse then his, he exaggerates his to get that attention back. I don't think he does it on purpose, but reflexively.
The pain I am going through I am sure is affecting me mentally. I am angry, depressed, lonely, etc, because I can't walk and I can barely hold myself up sometimes. I know I am sad it's happening, I am snappier then normal. But I am also more observant of myself then earlier years. So I can pull myself out of slumps if I have help and I usually do. If you read my other blog you will see literal mad ravings of a lunatic. Now a days am in a better place even with extreme going on. I am older, better able to handle them and see warning signs of falling into something I can't pull out of. I still feel those things I have talked about in my other blog but I can control them. I can hold my tongue when needed most. I can talk out my problems.
But as I said previously, pain can change a person. The last major pain I went through was mental and helped my grow up and see myself as I truly was. This physical pain however, I don't know how it's going to change me, but I'm sure it's already started.

Dreams and wishes

Believe those who are seeking the truth.  Doubt those who find it.  ~Andre Gide

What is the difference between a dream and a wish? Disney teaches us that if you dream hard enough and are meant to be a princess by blood or means of magic, they will in fact come true. Disney also teaches us that if you are in dire straights and "wish on a star" a wish will come true. But most of us are not princesses or even princes to be or in dire straights such as Jepeto was in Pinocchio. We may feel like it but the normal person is not. And those who happen to be in those straights, have found that wishing on a star doesn't solve our problems.
So what is the difference between a wish and a dream? In my opinion and without looking up definitions, the only difference is in fact the word it's self. If you wish for something and then work for it, it can come true. If you dream for something and likewise work for it, it will also come true. Sometimes a wish can become a dream and vis versa.
But don't confuse me to say that everyone who works for what they dream or wish will come true. Stuff happens or it's sometimes not enough or not "meant to be". Some people don't have to work at all to get what they want. Everything depends on the situation and the individual.
But some people are content with those dreams or wishes not being met, having been filled by something else.
It seems that dreams and wishes are reserved for children anyways. How often have you seen an adult working for a wish or dream anymore. Most of the people I have observed simply wish to get by and survive with little hope for anything else. But the rare occasions I have observed an adult wishing or dreaming, it's for love, to not be alone. Just to call someone their significant other. Sometimes because misery loves company, sometimes because that person truly feels another person to love and care for will make a bland life better and sometimes just to have someone to take care of them.
But what happened to dreams and wishes? Movies seem to indicate that people still do it all the time beyond adolescence. People I have observed are not happy "just getting by" or just barley being able to survive. It is my opinion that people are growing more and more cynical. Somewhat accepting what their lives have become and not seeing any other way out other then a miracle and people feel, "That doesn't happen to normal people like us." I watch in vain as people torture themselves mentally for being just an ordinary Joe for reasons that aren't even true because that is all they have known. Poverty, loneliness, boredom, they dash for any chance they see to escape it all but get turned down so much. Why dream and wish anymore? "Holding out false hopes for something that will never happen."
We have lost the concept of why dreaming and wishes are important. Children are smarter then us in holding hope that the world tries to crush but keeps going. What is the point in giving up when a fairy-god mother could come down and touch you with her wand?  People used to believe and work for more. Now, we are slowing descending into bare minimum because, "Whats the point?"
The point is, it's there for the taking if you try and hope a little more. No more excuses. It won't be done for you like Disney says.
That seems to be the problem though doesn't it? Someone told us growing up that if we hoped, dreamed and wished, it would be done for us. Then we grew up and it wasn't true. Now there is that dream gone because no one did it for us.
To conclude I will say only this. I wish people could dream again.